Robbin shared with me that her LiveJournal celebrated its 23rd anniversary this week. That was such a fun era of [proto-] social media. I deleted my LJ accounts long ago, but I’m still friends with a few of the folks I met there. On a hard drive somewhere, I still have some of my LJ entries. I definitely wrote with an audience in mind, trying to pack in as many witticisms as possible. Perhaps part of the allure of starting a blog again is to get back into that. Throughout most of my life, my creative pendulum has swung from art to writing and back again. Now, I do neither. The pendulum has stopped. These blog posts are baby steps, I suppose.
Did you know that when you delete your TikTok account, people can apparently still see your account? Imagine my surprise when I re-activated earlier this year and had several messages waiting for me. Then, I deleted again, and when I went back, the same thing occurred. I waffle between wanting to walk away from social media entirely, in protest of the zuck musk yuck, and wanting to go nuts posting on there in spite of them. With TikTok it feels tenuous to build relationships there, since it’s in constant danger of finally being banned. (Or worse, purchased by some asshole.)
Chaos oozes at every level. The world gets flipped on its head multiple times a day. At the moment I am coping ok, but I have my moments. I sobbed after getting home from the Kylie Minogue concert. I spent most of the concert worrying about work and was not very present. Even while it was happening I could feel the experience slipping by and I just couldn’t bring myself back to the present. Afterwards, I needed to grieve. I hate that my brain is like that. Another project which I’ve been working on since January continues to be difficult… so much sleep has been lost. And over what? A thank you card. The irony!
Our reality, our stability, our sanity drifts through our fingers like sand while we watch everyone else’s hands waiting to see what they’re going to do.